I think one of the hardest things about the subject of cutting is what to do with the information. When a person finds out that someone they love is a cutter there is a wave of emotions that runs through them that they don't know what to do with. As someone who was on the other side of the issue I never truly understood how hard it was for people that I loved. After my book was published I began to meet people who shared their story of dealing with a cutting in their life. I started to understand how their struggle was just as important as mine. I never imagined that just as much as I was struggling in my journey there were people in my life struggling with how to address the topic and help me. And one of the biggest problems I continued to hear is what to do when it comes to the actual tools that a cutter uses.
One of the biggest mistakes I've seen people make is trying to take away the objects that the cutter uses. The logic being, if I take away the tools then I am helping that person by taking away the temptation. But this is as effective as dumping the booze down the drain in an effort to help an alcoholic, and what makes matters worse is that it can actually do more damage. Cutters use cutting as a means for coping through difficult situations that happen in their daily life, it becomes apart of their routine and is a source of comfort for them. By taking away the tools you have interrupted that routine and can cause them to become desperate and lead them to look for other ways to cut that often times are more dangerous because they are less convenient. For example they may look to cutting themselves with the lid of a can that could be dirty or even rusty instead of using a clean razor blade.
This may sounds crazy and possibly even enabling, but trust me it is one of the most important things to understand when dealing with someone who is a cutter. Instead of cleaning house and trying to take away the methods for the cutter to use to self-harm it is important to try and address the reasons for the cutting. Try and support the cutter by talking with them. Letting them know that you are there for them without putting up conditions to that love and support. That is one of the single most positive things that you can do for that individual. Also don't try and force professional help on them if the aren't ready for it, this will only cause them to push away even more. Instead look for ways for you to support them that help them make better choices for themselves, understanding that until a cutter is ready to take those steps themselves real change will not take place. Remember there is no exact formula when it comes to helping people just remember to never give up on them and don't allow them to give up on themselves.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Self-injury/Cutting and Suicide
I think that it is very important to understand the link between Self-injury/Cutting and suicide. There are those that believe that is someone self-injures then they are obviously suicidal. I once had someone tell me 'cutters are just people that want to die but are too cowardly to go through with it'.
The Mayo Clinic defines self-injury/cutting as the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration.
The relationship with self-harm and suicide is complex. But I think that understanding the motivation for both hopefully can bring a little bit of light into the situation.
Self-harm/Cutting is a way for some people to try and cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship issues. Feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't control. Cutting is a way for them to gain back some of that control and bring themselves to a more level place emotionally. It is not meant as a permanent fix, just a temporary relief. Suicide is someones attempt to bring a more permanent solution to their problems.
But it is also important to know that although self-injury behavior is not suicidal in intent, it can easily lead to suicidal idealization or even, when a self-harmer goes too far, suicide itself. It is when we lump people into one classification that we cause the most damage. People who struggle with self-injury should never be generalized, each person's case is as unique as they are and should be treated as such.
The Mayo Clinic defines self-injury/cutting as the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration.
The relationship with self-harm and suicide is complex. But I think that understanding the motivation for both hopefully can bring a little bit of light into the situation.
Self-harm/Cutting is a way for some people to try and cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship issues. Feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't control. Cutting is a way for them to gain back some of that control and bring themselves to a more level place emotionally. It is not meant as a permanent fix, just a temporary relief. Suicide is someones attempt to bring a more permanent solution to their problems.
But it is also important to know that although self-injury behavior is not suicidal in intent, it can easily lead to suicidal idealization or even, when a self-harmer goes too far, suicide itself. It is when we lump people into one classification that we cause the most damage. People who struggle with self-injury should never be generalized, each person's case is as unique as they are and should be treated as such.
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