How it all started

Every since I was young I wanted to be a writer,  I wrote short stories for my siblings and cousins to read, I even wrote plays and put on shows for all who would watch.  But this was not meant to be one of those, like a private diary it was never meant to be for other eyes to see.

As a cutter I struggled to maintain a normal life, although on the exterior I might have seemed for the most part put together, behind closed doors I lived in a self-destructing world and every day took one step closer to letting it all spiral out of control. Because of my pride and my self-hating nature that told me no one would care, I kept my struggle to myself and sought ways to 'fix' myself.  During my struggle I always took pen in hand and wrote out my thoughts, but they were sporadic, emotional and offered me no solid way to express myself.  The story of Kya started out as a one page description about a girl hiding in her closet as she released her pain through cutting.  I wrote it one night while I was sitting alone at a bar.  Days later I found the paper that I had scribbled out the writings onto and decided that I would type it up on the computer before I went to bed.  As I copied the paragraph more words began to flow, before I knew it the time was 3:00am and I had written what would become the first chapter of 'Trading Pain for Pain'.  During the year that I took to write the book I would end up reaching out to a friend of mine who encouraged me to use the book as an alternative way from cutting to express my pain and frustration.  She would later go on to help push me to get published.

Trading Pain for Pain is a deeply personal story that at times felt too reveling to allow others to see.  But at time went on and I struggle to free myself from cutting I discovered how there still was so little information about this struggle out there.  And very few resources for people to cling to when they needed help.  Those who struggle with this linger in the shadows because it is safer for them, they hid the scars and the pain from the world and even those closest to them.  That shadow that they live in grows larger and deeper the longer we allow this issue to be ignored and misunderstood.