Many forms of self-mutilation

There are many forms of self-mutilation some more known then others.  I struggled with cutting which seems to be the most common known form for most people, but I knew several individuals who struggled with others forms such as burning themselves. I even knew one girl who would wear rubber bands around her wrists and would constantly pull them and let them snap against her skin.  Some forms are more violent then others but they all have one thing in common and that is pain.  But the pain isn't from the physical situation that they are creating, it is from a much deeper and emotional place. That is where the damage lies and until that is taken care of the problem will never go away, no matter how hard you treat the symptom. 

CNN recently did a story about a not so known form of self-mutilation called Self-embedding. Self-embedding is a form of self-injury where foreign objects are inserted underneath the skin, and left either for a limited period of time or permanently.  The earliest recording of this kind of self-injury was in 1936 and in 2008 a study showed that that self-embedding was growing more common amongst teens who self-injured.  Sadly this seems to come as a shock to the medical profession and seems to have them scrambling round to try and explain such a phenomenon.  But the real tragedy is that this is not a new trend, and it isn't because of the internet or kids trying copy the behaviors of others, self-injury shouldn't shock you because it is as old as history.  And it has come in many forms over the years.  As time goes by we were able to fool ourselves into thinking that certain forms should be more accepted as others but the truth is if you try to numb the pain inside by replacing it with something else that can harm you then you are just like these people.  That cigarette that you know is probably going to kill you one day but you are just too stressed out to care, or that last bite of that 1500 calorie burger when your cholesterol is already too high but you are sad and it brings you comfort so you eat it any way.  If we were honest with ourselves we could call these a form of self-harm. Now that that mean that I am accusing smokers or people that eat too much self-injurers, no I am not, just like every person who harms themselves might not actually be a self-harmer.  There are some people who are just acting out for attention or acceptance.  But the truth is we all experience some form of emotional pain at some point in our lives and there are some people that are able to deal with it in healthy ways and then there are others that don't know how.  Sometimes I think that if we would just stop acting so shocked every time we newly discover that this is happening, then maybe we could actually work at creating an environment where a self-harmer would actually feel safe enough to reach out for help. 

Click here to read the CNN's article on self-embedding:
http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/09/07/teens-embed-objects-in-skin/?iref=NS1

Why taking away a cutters tool might be the worse thing to do

I think one of the hardest things about the subject of cutting is what to do with the information. When a person finds out that someone they love is a cutter there is a wave of emotions that runs through them that they don't know what to do with. As someone who was on the other side of the issue I never truly understood how hard it was for people that I loved. After my book was published I began to meet people who shared their story of dealing with a cutting in their life. I started to understand how their struggle was just as important as mine. I never imagined that just as much as I was struggling in my journey there were people in my life struggling with how to address the topic and help me. And one of the biggest problems I continued to hear is what to do when it comes to the actual tools that a cutter uses.

One of the biggest mistakes I've seen people make is trying to take away the objects that the cutter uses. The logic being, if I take away the tools then I am helping that person by taking away the temptation. But this is as effective as dumping the booze down the drain in an effort to help an alcoholic, and what makes matters worse is that it can actually do more damage. Cutters use cutting as a means for coping through difficult situations that happen in their daily life, it becomes apart of their routine and is a source of comfort for them.  By taking away the tools you have interrupted that routine and can cause them to become desperate and lead them to look for other ways to cut that often times are more dangerous because they are less convenient.  For example they may look to cutting themselves with the lid of a can that could be dirty or even rusty instead of using a clean razor blade.

This may sounds crazy and possibly even enabling, but trust me it is one of the most important things to understand when dealing with someone who is a cutter. Instead of cleaning house and trying to take away the methods for the cutter to use to self-harm it is important to try and address the reasons for the cutting. Try and support the cutter by talking with them. Letting them know that you are there for them without putting up conditions to that love and support. That is one of the single most positive things that you can do for that individual. Also don't try and force professional help on them if the aren't ready for it, this will only cause them to push away even more. Instead look for ways for you to support them that help them make better choices for themselves, understanding that until a cutter is ready to take those steps themselves real change will not take place.  Remember there is no exact formula when it comes to helping people just remember to never give up on them and don't allow them to give up on themselves.

Self-injury/Cutting and Suicide

I think that it is very important to understand the link between Self-injury/Cutting and suicide. There are those that believe that is someone self-injures then they are obviously suicidal. I once had someone tell me 'cutters are just people that want to die but are too cowardly to go through with it'. 

The Mayo Clinic defines self-injury/cutting as the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration.

The relationship with self-harm and suicide is complex. But I think that understanding the motivation for both hopefully can bring a little bit of light into the situation.

Self-harm/Cutting is a way for some people to try and cope with the pain of strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship issues. Feelings that seem too difficult to bear, or bad situations they think can't control. Cutting is a way for them to gain back some of that control and bring themselves to a more level place emotionally. It is not meant as a permanent fix, just a temporary relief. Suicide is someones attempt to bring a more permanent solution to their problems.

But it is also important to know that although self-injury behavior is not suicidal in intent, it can easily lead to suicidal idealization or even, when a self-harmer goes too far, suicide itself. It is when we lump people into one classification that we cause the most damage. People who struggle with self-injury should never be generalized, each person's case is as unique as they are and should be treated as such. 

How it all started

Every since I was young I wanted to be a writer,  I wrote short stories for my siblings and cousins to read, I even wrote plays and put on shows for all who would watch.  But this was not meant to be one of those, like a private diary it was never meant to be for other eyes to see.

As a cutter I struggled to maintain a normal life, although on the exterior I might have seemed for the most part put together, behind closed doors I lived in a self-destructing world and every day took one step closer to letting it all spiral out of control. Because of my pride and my self-hating nature that told me no one would care, I kept my struggle to myself and sought ways to 'fix' myself.  During my struggle I always took pen in hand and wrote out my thoughts, but they were sporadic, emotional and offered me no solid way to express myself.  The story of Kya started out as a one page description about a girl hiding in her closet as she released her pain through cutting.  I wrote it one night while I was sitting alone at a bar.  Days later I found the paper that I had scribbled out the writings onto and decided that I would type it up on the computer before I went to bed.  As I copied the paragraph more words began to flow, before I knew it the time was 3:00am and I had written what would become the first chapter of 'Trading Pain for Pain'.  During the year that I took to write the book I would end up reaching out to a friend of mine who encouraged me to use the book as an alternative way from cutting to express my pain and frustration.  She would later go on to help push me to get published.

Trading Pain for Pain is a deeply personal story that at times felt too reveling to allow others to see.  But at time went on and I struggle to free myself from cutting I discovered how there still was so little information about this struggle out there.  And very few resources for people to cling to when they needed help.  Those who struggle with this linger in the shadows because it is safer for them, they hid the scars and the pain from the world and even those closest to them.  That shadow that they live in grows larger and deeper the longer we allow this issue to be ignored and misunderstood.